Everything Doesn't Feel Like Enough

Elsie Norton looked as though she were born to sit atop Dante, the dapple Arabian. Dante was, by far, the most majestic horse on her family’s estate, even though he was getting on in years. Within the next few years, she knew she would have to retire the horse, let him out to pasture while she began the search for a horse that could take his place in the high intensity training she liked to unwind with. Dante would hold up for situations such as this – gentle rides through the country behind her parents rolling estate.

She had come for a visit. Her evening with Augustus had made her nostalgic for the times that had been spent in the wonderful splendor of her childhood. A weekend in her childhood home always did her well. It had been early that morning that she had been awoken by her brother, who had decided to drop by when he had heard she was staying with them. After a quick, excited reunion between the siblings, her bade her hurry up so they could ride.

It was early, early in the morning, but horseback riding was one of the few things that could tempt her to get up so early. She tore through the closet, still full because a girl could never have too many clothes, and she donned her favorite riding outfit, tying her hair up with a bright red bow. She hurried out and prepared Dante and the horse Ben used the most often, Thoreau, for the ride. Ben brought her some homemade breakfast pastries and they rode.

She sat comfortably in the saddle, relaxed as they climbed the crest that overlooked their home. Dante and Thoreau were invigorated by the ride, and she knew Dante would sleep well that night. The reins rested loosely in her right hand, her left resting on her left thigh. She sighed, shaking her head. “Benji, I wish you’d move out to the U.K. so you can be closer to me. And closer to Claire. I miss having you at my beck and call.”

He grinned. “Precisely why I can’t live so close. I’ll never get work done if I’m constantly making you guys blueberry pancakes or killing spiders.”

She grinned, but her mood was suddenly squashed by one of the human helpers they had running out to them. Henry was huffing and puffing when he reached them, extending a card out by means of explanation. Benjamin read it and cursed under his breath, slipping the card into his jacket. “I’m sorry, Bethy, I need to go.”

“Bethy, eh? Feeling extra guilty?”

He gave her a dark look and sighed. “It’s – It’s complicated. I’ve gotta go.” He squeezed Thoreau’s sides and the horse burst into a canter, carrying her brother far from her once again. She sighed. “Bye.” Her eyes fell on Henry who was still panting. Her eyes narrowed. “You can go,” she said, dismissing him with schoolgirl venom. She left him behind, finishing the rest of the ride at a slow pace.

When she reached the stables, one of the stableboys was brushing Thoreau for Benjamin, who was nowhere to be seen. Elsie dismounted and had his tack carried off, before working a brush through him, stroking his mane and tickling under his chin. She released him into the pasture and watched him. Her mood had taken a considerable hit and she wanted to be inside. She was greeted by Ota the house elf, the elf that had tended to her in her childhood.

“Missus should know that Mr and Mrs Norton have gone to the club for-“

“Whatever, Ota,” Elsie sighed. “I need a water.”

A bottle of water was conjured and Elsie walked away from the pasture, sinking onto the stone steps that led to the stables tack room, legs sprawled out as she guzzled water, looking as though she were about to enter a horrible pout. Ota skittered up the steps and began brushing through Elsie’s hair, something she knew always comforted the woman.

Skies had gone from blue to grey very quickly.

If the universe had turned out differently, the Ivanovs would have made wonderful Americans. His father and older brother would have both flourished on Wall Street while his mother, his sweet, social-climbing mother, would have set the Hamptons alight with parties. In loo of having American blood, Roland had bonded the Ivanovs closely with several new money families in the states.

Robin hadn't visited the Norton's home in years. He had come close during his trip to New York with Swan but the eventful night kept him preoccupied with other thoughts besides their proximity. Robin had arrived at the main house not ten minutes before but upon a greeting from a house elf he had learned that the majority of the Norton family was out with an unknown return time. The elf had offered to take him down to the stables where "Missus Elizabeth" was but Robin had politely declined and sat in the entrance hall to wait and hope for the family's return.

He made it two minutes before he was standing and wandering aimlessly around the room, picking up trinkets and putting them down, turning valuables over in his hands. A few minutes later the front room had lost it's entertainment and he began to move deeper into the house. No elves were in sight as Robin slipped into the main living room. It had been awhile but the more he looked around the more he remembered it. Robin had sat in those chairs, accidentally knocked over that lamp, snogged against that wall. Like so many manors back home, the essence of this house was familiar.

It was foolish to be waiting for Gavin, Robin knew this, but he had been caught by surprise that Elsie was here at all. He had assumed that she would be staying in London with Claire (the laws of physics seemed to protect the girls from separating) and he was sure seeking her out could only deter from his intended business with her father.

But Robin was a terrible businessman and it took only a couple more additional minutes for him to cave to his boredom entirely and make his way through the house, out the back, and to the stables. He saw Dante first and for a brief flicker of a moment he could have sworn he was back in time. How many afternoons had he laid in the shade, content to watch that horse run across the yard, almost as magnificent as it's rider?

"Miss Norton." Robin greeted, a signature half-smile curling up on his lips as he looked down on her.

What had Elsie been expecting? Naturally she had been expecting to stay on this stoop forever, forgotten by her friends and family, her only friend in the world being a horse with no hands to pry her frozen corpse from the stone steps leading to the tack room.

Perhaps she was being just so slightly dramatic.

She had not had a chance to feel this lonely in awhile. She was very careful to surround herself with people who adored her. It was part of the reason that she had chosen to live with her best friend since they had graduation, why she took a string of lovers because committing to one person ensure some time alone while taking several meant she could hop from house to house. She worked in the Ministry, one of the most populated work forces in the country because there were people everywhere, surrounding her.

She was still empty, yes. And a crowd of people only made the echoes inside her ring louder and more true. But the feeling that destruction would happen without assistance left when she was surrounded by people who seemed to dote on her. She needed their adoration, their assurance, because the rest of her life had gone without it. In school, her only redeeming factor was that Claire Bishop did not seem to mind her. At the pureblood functions, she was just charming enough to not be considered a nuisance. Now that she had the hearts of her small, fragmented kingdom, she did not intend on losing their allegiances anytime soon.

Regardless of her ill feelings towards loneliness, it did not her any less shocked by the form her disruption came in.  A voice she could not pretend to misplace, a style recognizable even by the hem of his pants and the polished shoes. Nevertheless, Elsie could not just stare at his shoes, no matter how nice they were. It would not make him go away, and it would not make her forget that he had even showed up.

Why had he showed up? What could he think to gain from doing this to her? They had an agreement. The first had been that Claire was never to find out and their summer of Whatever-That-Had-Been would be erased from everyone’s memories. Without that bond, what could possibly bring him back into her life? And the second agreement had been to stay out of each other’s ways, leave them be to move on and find the life they were obviously supposed to lead. She had held up her end. She had stayed out of his way to Claire, out of his way to Avery. She could have spoken up at that party, could have spoken up at the wedding. She hadn’t.

And he couldn’t even return the favor.

Her eyes lifted, and she ran her tongue between her gums and bottom lip. She held up a hand and Ota froze, taking a step backward and tucking the brush away, bowing her head subserviently. Elsie’s eyes stayed stoney and sharp on the handsome face that had captivated her for most of sixth year, and longer. “I have Ota trained to bite the heels of trespassers.”

Ota stumbled forward, whispering in a furiously, high-pictched voice. “Missus Elizabeth, I have not had such training-“

“Shut up, Ota,” Elsie hissed. She leaned back, surveying Robin with distaste. “You have no business on my property.”