To Live Would Be An Awfully Big Adventure..

London was sometimes too much for Rafael. Actually, it was too much for the Gryffindor almost constantly. That was why you, the reader, would assume that Rafael would see Hogwarts as an escape. It was quite the contrary, actually. The hatred that was directed to the school that took him from his family for at least three quarters of the year was immense. A feeling of dread always overcame him in the weeks leading up to the train journey that would take the students up to the Scottish boarding school. Having to say goodbye to his siblings was hard enough on its own. He had to deal with the fact that he was missing Raina growing up and he was being taken out of his brother’s lives. Mynah wasn’t authoritative enough to deal with them. Jaret would end up living in the damn holding cell the PCSO’s had been furnishing for him since Monday while Nicolai would proceed to drain the house of money by breaking car windows and leaving Mynah to pick up the tab. Most of that happened even with Rafael’s presence but they always became more unruly while he was gone. With all of that nonsense going on while Rafael was at home, Hogwarts should have been a sanctuary but no, unfortunately not.

When September 1st came he’d have to jump back onto the train, until then he wanted to bask in as much summer freedom as possible. Vanessa had come home again creating problems for Rafael and Mynah but for some strange reason, their flighty mother had decided to take the children out for the day and that left Rafael and Mynah to their own devices. So, they went their separate ways, Rafael into the Wizarding World and Mynah to the music centre. The Wizarding World wasn’t Rafael’s favourite place in the world but it was an escape from reality. It had been seven years and he was still waiting to wake up from the idyllic dream he was having. The dreams seemed to be persisting though. One thing that helped him understand the world he lived in was one of the libraries that could be accessed only by magical folk. It was in London in an odd location. Muggles saw an old derelict building where as wizards saw the large library nestled in between two blocks of flats. It was styled like a Greek temple with huge pearly white steps that lead up to the large wooden doors and long columns that held up the overhanging roof.

Rafael had been humbled by the magnitude and size of the building and he hadn’t hesitated to hurry inside. He could quite easily spend hours walking around the shelves of any library but none were as interesting as Wizarding ones. Pulling a large tome off of one of the shelves, Rafael opened the book up and flicked through the pages. He was at the back of the library, in amongst the shelves devoted to elemental and core magic. He’d always wanted to understand how his magic arrived inside him and not his siblings. He figured that by tracing back Wizard’s comprehension of their magic, he could make some sense of it and perhaps provide himself with an answer. Rafael closed the book and hugged it to his chest. He stepped away from the shelf and looked around. It was safe to say that the sandy-haired young man was lost. How he got lost in a library was beyond him but it was a colossal building devoted entirely to books and there were plenty of them so the idea of getting lost wasn’t that absurd. Rafael’s teeth sought out his bottom lip and the ground against the chapped, abused bit of skin beneath his lip. He’d allowed it to heal after a lot of grief from Mynah but like many things in his life, it hadn’t healed well. But the condition of his bottom lip wasn’t something Rafael was concerned with. There was a question he wanted answered: How lost was he exactly?

To Jackson,it didn't really matter where he went, the responses were all similar. Eyes bulging, mouth aghast, stares and points and those bloody awful snide remarks about belonging in the circus. While walking around London however, he felt he had to put up with a little more self restraint. If he went ape on a couple of 'innocent' muggles he'd probably end up serving a life sentence in Azkaban simply because of his blood and being half giant. They themselves probably would interpret his angry behavior for some sort of feeding call. Which was the last thing he of all people wanted to get accused for. So here he was, the most obvious thing in London at 8'4", towering above the crowd in search of any solace. His activities weren't much different from when he was at Hogwarts, in both instances he turned to the comfort of the library, huddled behind a mass of books.

so at the first sighting he got, he eased himself into the library that the muggles failed to notice, he mused himself for a moment with the possibility of performing such a spell on himself. It would make vacations much more delightful and possibly even lower his stress levels. Within just a few moments of entering the half giant felt a great sense of comfort. He did not have to watch out for low archways, and the ceilings were high enough and well out of his grasp. Some of the other places he had frequented out of had been tiny shack like buildings (though their reading section was extremely well put together). Had he not knocked over a bookshelf and chased out, he might have still been there indulging in the mysteries of goblin folklore. Jackson worked his way around the library, getting a feel for each genre's, attempting to get a feel for what he was in the mood for reading for the next few hours until his mum calmed down. She was enraged that the tailor had gotten her size wrong and how her new set of robes made her look like a boulder.

It wasn't long before he found himself face to face with a concerned looking guy. Jackson immediately took notice of the expression on his face, teeth chewing on the bottom lip. All the signs of nerves.. but why? He looked around for a moment to see if he could find some sort of librarian around but to no avail, none seemed to be around. Feeling a sense of responsibility he moved toward the boy "... are you oka--" he began, but felt himself suddenly fall forward tripping from his undone laces, toppeling the boy over in the process.

Snubbing geography classes was perhaps the silliest thing Rafael had ever done. He couldn’t afford to make mistakes, not often any rate, but walking out of that class had been a poor thing to do. At the time though it seemed like a fairly good idea. There was only so long one could stand the ridicule from his peers and the teacher who was supposed to be aiding him. At ten he had a more rambunctious personality and he would butt heads with nearly everyone he met. Now he was more...quiet? He didn’t know how to describes himself really. He knew he could no longer show the blind bravery he did once. He wondered if he still possessed such a streak and even if he did it was highly likely that he’d long since buried it so far down that it could no longer be retrieved. He was no longer as boisterous as his brothers were now. But even so! Geography would have been no use to him anyway. Maps weren’t issued upon arrival and he knew how to read a map – that was about the only thing he could do in that damn class.

Taking a hesitant step in the direction Rafael thought the front desk was in, he looked to see if his sense of direction wasn’t all bad but all he could see was row after row of bookshelves. Rafael stepped back to his original spot and clutched the book closer to his chest. He was feeling incredibly vulnerable, something he’d not felt since ...well, since he was a lot younger. Suddenly footsteps came within his range of hearing and Rafael looked up to see someone approaching him. He had looked up hoping to see the librarian but he found instead that it was just another person, clearly there to browse like he had been. Perhaps the person could have helped him but the Gryffindor was focusing on trying to keep himself calm so the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. He, like his little sister, had a problem with being out of control. Raina hated feeling helpless, as did he, which was why the two were useless when out of their depth like Rafael was now.

A shaky breath escaped Rafael’s mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut. His shoulders fell forward and he seemed to shrink back as if he was trying to retreat within himself. His hands came up and gripped his shaking shoulders while his elbows supported the book and he rested his forehead against the top of it. One, two, one, two, one, two... Rafael counted his breaths and tried to ignore his heart hammering against his ribcage. He didn’t care what his sodding counsellor tried to tell him about how panic attacks could be averted. He was so very wrong. But this was worse. This was calm before a storm. At least he knew what to expect from panic attacks but the moments that led up to them hurt him mentally and he didn’t know how to control that. At least with the panic attacks....no, they were both as bad. They both took a toll on his mind and he hated it. Every single second where his breathing was laboured, where he could hear nothing but his own heart thundering in his ears....it drove him to the brink and back.

"... are you oka--"

Rafael lifted his head and something strange happened. Time seemed to slow. His eyes opened marginally and he found himself rooted to the spot, unable to move, as the boy fell forward. Rafael felt their bodies connect and he was thrust backwards under the weight of the boy. It wasn’t that he was heavy per se but Rafael was hardly expecting to be...well, he just wasn’t prepared. His back hit the hardwood floor with a dull thud and Rafael felt himself be pinned down underneath the boy. A groan escaped the Gryffindor’s mouth and he let his head fall back against the floor. He felt the book slip out of his now slack arms and he cracked an eye open. His eyelids were moist thanks to the tears that had pooled in his eyes and he looked up at the boy, feeling his cheeks flush red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry...” Rafael whispered, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for. If he hadn’t have been there then the boy wouldn’t have stopped or tried to help him thus he would have never tripped and neither of them would have been in the position they were now in; which was compromising to say the least.