Because This Isn't Awkward

He said he had made a few fair points and she felt a scowl fall onto her face, finding she did have something to argue now. "You were commenting on a situation you had no right to butt into." The comment had arisen because she had warned Chase, in a more bold way of course, that she was going to hurt Andrew if she kept it up. That was right. They had been the ones doing something wrong. He had pushed himself into a situation that had already started to wrongly fall on her shoulders, causing more troubles for Chase, Andrew, and her.

"I don't care about the comment so much as I do care about the nerve." She glared at him. "You were mocking my opinion on a situation you did not fully understand. Your snide comments meant nothing, thank you." It was true. He could have called her a score of names and she would not have cared. But the fact that he had thought him so superior to judge her... he did not know that she had been hurt.

He began to say what he knew about her, and she hitched on a skeptical sneer as she stared back at him, refusing to break eye contact. He explained how he thought she viewed him. There was tiny seeds of truth here and there, the most accurate was how she saw him and his 'adventures.' It pissed her off that guys could have sex with someone and move on so quickly... and that some girls let them...

Before she could respond, he was continuing on. She was silently mocking him when Vito's name came up. Jack's blood went cold. Why... Why must everyone know about the one part of her life she would like to keep from view. She understood that there were parts of the story that Chase was allowed to tell... But to start telling people that she was buddies with Vito... She had no right. Jack had explained that there was more there than them hanging out, it was not a fricking picnic, and she was sick of people think she decided to go hang out and go for a stroll with him, as though she liked being pitted against Chase. She was not choosing a petty friendship- or a "love interest" as Chase liked to assume- over Chase. She was choosing to rehabilitate someone who had serious problems, at great personal risk.

But no one saw it as that. They thought it was a fine and dandy friendship they had, as though Jack sincerely looked forward to the hours she spent, wondering if she was about to die, fighting back tears. She did not enjoy it, but she was doing it for something that meant more than her petty little life. It was not a fun little hobby. It was something she had to do. She was tired of people simplifying into- Oh, Jack befriended her friend's worst enemy and then ditched her friend. They did not understand Jack's turmoil, nor the pain it involved. It sounded much better to say Jack was just being a stupid little b!tch who only thought about herself. That made it much easier.

And here he was, talking about a situation as if he had had a front row seat to the performance. Did he not realize that Chase's version may- as in did- have a bias. Jack was not proud of everything she had done, but she knew she had done what she could. It was time for everyone to stop having opinions in matters that did not concern them.

He began mocking her, saying it would be so funny if the four of them dated. Two things were wrong with this statement. She was tired of people assuming that her effort had something to do with a silly crush, or lust, or whatever. She was not superficial. Anyone who bothered to know Jack- then again, who did?- would know that her reasons would not be so petty. When had she ever chosen a crush over her friends?! Hell, when had she ever had a crush?! If they wanted to make accusations pertaining to stupid flings that hurt somebody, the fingers directing the accusations needed to realize they were the ones at fault; Ergo- Chase, Elijah, and Andrew.

And second, to even have the nerve to say that would be an amusing affair. The last time Jack had been in the presence of Vito and Chase, she had nearly destroyed herself. Jack was never weak, right? She did not cry? And yet her dreams had been fraught with nightmares, her pillows and sheets had been soaked with silent tears she would never cop up to, she drowned her pain in alcohol (something she was against). Now, say it again, that she thought that it would be fun. And she had still managed to watch over an upset poltergeist and then be as decent as she could to the people who had caused her to almost let herself self destruct.

She had become who these people wanted her to be. Jackles. Redhead. And then they had asked her to kill off one of them. Let part of her die. Never mind the repercussions, Jack always pretended to be fine. She always had a smirk, always look confident. Never mind how she might really be feeling. As long as we feel good. Well, guess what? They had asked for a decision.

And now Jackles was dead.

And still, the scapegoat remained.

Jack took it with grace. They needed someone to blame. Hell, she needed someone to blame. And she let the weight of that fall on her. And Chase came to her, telling her what she had done, a mistake she had made and Jack knew Chase wanted her to shoulder some of the pain as well... Chase needed Jackles, but she was dead. And Jack could not hold any more pain. Chase would have to. But she was not ready. Jack yelled at her, something that would haunt her, but something that would teach Chase to be able to cope. To equip her with the tools necessary to cope. Jack could never be her friend, but at least Chase would make it.

And of course, no one realized that Jack may have a side of it. Believe it or not, the villain did not think themselves evil, they did not strive for it. They made the best decisions they could, and then they still shouldered the hate. So why should Jack be any different? Why should Jack have a side? Why shouldn't Elijah be able to think she was the worst person on the world?

She stood and she was surprised to feel a stinging in her eyes, though no tears had formed. (Jack had began debating over the existence of her tear ducts at all.) She shook her head. “You don't get to do that. You don't get to hear one-sided truths, assume the rest, and speak of a situation you know nothing of. That Chase knows nothing of. You think you guys have it all figured out?” She shook her head. “Don't think so highly of yourselves. I will not be made the villain anymore. Think of me what you want. But don't pretend like you know me, and don't fool yourself into thinking you can ever understand. Truth is, neither of you even want to try.”

She turned and began to walk away. She did not want to delve into his psyche or whatever. She did not want to even delve into her own.

It was an awful trait to have but like his cousins he got an immense thrill out of pushing someone as far as they could possibly go before they inflicted some sort of bodily harm on him. Usually he managed to talk them out of it but Elisabeth was one person he could never really talk down out of her anger because her brother’s had probably already pushed her to her limits that day and Elijah had thrown her off of the edge. It was always interesting to watch because every person reacted in a different way. Jack was hurt yet quite...calm about it all.

Her upset was not unwarranted. His words, and his “beloved’s”, painted her to be the villain. She was not one...she was just a teenager that was caught up in something out of control. Perhaps that was the beauty of the real villains. They could walk away scot free and leave the blame on someone else. Chase blamed Jack because Jack sided with Vito. He was effectively, but probably unintentionally, hiding behind Jack where the ‘placing the blame’ thing was concerned. It was clever but it also showed stupidity on Chase’s part. Her anguish made her illogical and a pain in the arse at times. Her body was probably only 30% water by now.

“Then why have you taken it to heart?” He asked calmly. “If it doesn’t mean anything then why do you care enough to remember?”

Jack had been pushed as far as she could go and Elijah watched as her emotions unfolded on her face. She was so subtle about it too...it was awe inspiring – beautiful. The slightest movements of the face, of the eyes. Everything was so subtle yet fuelled with emotions that had been buried and dug up again because of numerous situations post the event that led to her being victimised. She was so careful not to let anything slip but putting so much effort into that let more out than she could have known.

The eye of an artist was completely different to the eye of a normal person that didn’t have that particular profession under their belt. They had to look for the flaws in their subject. They had to look through it with a fine toothed comb and not ghost over anything. It was probably why intimacy was the best way to get to know your model, to learn their body and find their flaws. But in doing that, while looking for flaws, you find hidden beauty that might now have been found unless you really looked. In this instance it was not flaws, nor was it beauty but the emotions were beautiful.

To truly be able to capture that moment Elijah would have needed something to draw on. Cameras would lose the uniqueness of the picture. Drawing her would not. But unfortunately he would just have to store it to memory. Later when he had some time to himself he’d try to recreate it. She was an enigma to say the very least.

When she turned on her heel, Elijah sat there stunned. She was exactly like Amelia, he had not been wrong. But in saying that she was exactly unlike Amelia to. She was pushing him out much the same way Amelia had been. She’d let him in and she’d regretted the day she had. Now it was up to him to make it up to her although whether he told Chase about that was a wonder – he definitely didn’t think he would. But with the stunned feeling came a burst of anger.

Elijah pushed himself up onto his feet and turned towards her retreating back, “And you’re so different,” He spat vehemently, his eyes gaining a hostile look to them, “You don’t do the same? I’m an example of you hypocrisy. You take whispers and turn them into an opinion. I’m telling you what is being relayed to me. You’ve the opportunity to prove me wrong. Yet you don’t. You walk away. So much for Gryffindor bravery huh? What if I wanted to try? Would you let me in or would you block me out? She can sit on her own bloody planet and do whatever the bloody hell she wants, get away with it, and you’re the one being left with a short straw. Why do you lay down and take it? Tell someone! Anyone!” Elijah stepped toward her.

“Let me try. As I’ve said...I only know what’s being relayed back to me. Prove me wrong. Let me see. Please Jack. I’m not here to provoke you or make you feel bad...believe me that that is the last thing I want to do. I know I’m an asshole but I think I’m an asshole that has his heart in the right place. Let me in and I’ll let you in. You can form a real opinion and then decide that I’m an asshole.” He was only half lying. He’d let her in but only so far. Sure he was a chain-smoking drunk but there was a hell of a lot more to him than that. The vices were the only things that kept him sane. Well them and his children. It would be odd to tell Jack things that he didn’t even tell his closest of kin. Perhaps glossed over versions would be all she’d need to hear. Yet he did not know if it would come to that. He had a feeling she’d just shut him out.

She had expected to be allowed to stomp away. Chase and Andrew had always let her walk away, they did not really want her around anyway. More time together. And Vito- usually her departure only brought him relief, for she was his shoulder angel, whispering irritating truths into his ears, getting swatted out for being his conscience. She was usually allowed to walk away. She usually incited fear or irritation.

But Elijah was angry. She heard him explode and she turned around, a sneering, irritated look on her face as though he obviously had nothing important nor pertinent to say. She did not care that he was accusing her of being a hypocrite. She knew on the outside, she was, but her intentions did not resemble hypocrisy. The actions that made her a hypocrite, were the things her intentions did not want...

She was prepared to turn and walk away, but then he called her a coward. "Hey!" she immediately snapped, feeling it was a beneath the belt. That had definitely dealt a blow to her Gryffindor pride, something that meant nothing, but she believed strongly in. Elijah had crossed a line that she had been careful not to. But it seemed everyone around her liked to push her. She was the pawn in a giant chess game, and all the players had their own ulterior motives... It seemed like she was always being played by the person who would not mind losing, just to see her get smashed.

What if I wanted to try? Would you let me in or would you block me out? There were two qualifiers to this statement that made it stupid. First, what if he wanted to try? Yeah, sure. Jack buddies with Elijah Krum. The Hogwarts shrew befriends the Hogwarts heartthrob. Peeeerfect, right? She hated to break it to him, but this was not an after school special. It was real life. She shook her head, chuckling at the question. And the second problem... obviously she would pick the latter. She had always pushed people away and then she decided to let three people in, past her guard. And they had slowly chiseled at th walls from inside, and once she was unprotected...they had struck, Why would she let someone get in her new defenses?

She glared at him. "Prove myself? To who, you? Why do I need to prove myself to you? Think I've lost my power because I'm walking away. Hell, walking away means I don't need to prove myself to anyone. And I don't."

She can sit on her own bloody planet and do whatever the bloody hell she wants, get away with it, and you’re the one being left with a short straw. Why do you lay down and take it? Tell someone! Anyone!”

She stared at him, her hands trembling with emotion as they often did. Jack did not cry, she did not look weak. Her hands shook. She stared at him. "Rather short words for your beloved." There was almost an accusation in her words, as though she had known he was not as committed. This comment was childish, but it distracted from the questions she had no answers to, the questions only one other person had cared enough to ask. The questions she tried to ignore, because they haunted her, reminded her that this person she was, was not her anymore. Instead she ignored that and said, "What would telling someone do? I don't need anyone getting something on."

She winced, visibly recognizing how sill that statement was. She was beginning to sound just like Vito. He had said that to her not long ago.

Elijah asked her to let him in, and she stared at him. What was the purpose of getting close to her? What good would it do him, what would he get out of it? Had Chase sent him to figure out where she stood, what she had not told her? Jack's skin prickled. She could not understand why anyone would care to know, especially a stranger like Elijah. They had spoken twice now? Maybe three times? They had not exactly hit it off or anything... She stared at him and crossed her arms. In a quieter, calmer voice she said, "Why?" Her voice was riddled with disbelief. "Why would you even want that? Obviously I'm a pretty shitty friend. Why would it 'help' me?"

As quickly as the anger flared, it disappointed and Elijah once again calmed as he spoke. When he brought his lips together after he finished his piece he felt at ease once more. He was slightly rattled but he was no longer angry with her. He didn’t think he had been, not really. More...angry with the situation she was in...the one she wasn’t helping herself out of. It was as if she’d had a hole dug around her by Chase and Andrew, the asshole, and Vito which she’d promptly fallen into. The two lovers had probably been too enamoured with each other at the time and the poltergeist too lazy so they’d forgotten to put the soil back on top of her. Now there was this gaping hole with Jack sat down at the bottom of it, having already given up trying to get out.

Perhaps that was why he’d been angry yet it was hypocritical of him to be. He’d hit rock bottom during the summer. He’d not tried to get up and move on from that. He’d just bottled it up and left it in the wine rack where the other green tinted glass bottle was, corked and ready for him to open in December. He allowed himself to go to pieces for four days: 12:00am, December 21st to 12:00am, December 25th. The odd thing was that...with seven years of bottled and rebottled grief on his shoulders he’d never hit rock bottom until now. Now he was merely trying to find a way to live through it. He had yet to find a life preserver. Chase was sort of ... there with him, not really taking him anywhere neither up nor along. She wasn’t a floatation device at all; instead she’d managed to fully submerge him.

He’d had his hole dug by someone else too...multiple people to be exact. His mother (although she’d hired people to do the digging), those Muggle scumbags that killed Alice, the nightmares of her that plagued him, her screams still lingering in his ears. Even the day he’d met Fauve...that had added a shovel to the masses. Then, in St. Mungo’s the bottle had fallen off of the rack. It had cracked and opened wide enough to let the contents begin to seep out. Brienne’s whispered words had rattled him. Then he’d told Robert Lupin ...explained why that happened as the man tended to his burns which had brought him there in the first place.

The thing that had scared him the most about that though, was that someone now knew.

No one knew. They’d assumed his grief had been because Alice had been his friend. None of them had thought for a second that his anguish was because he’d watched her die, watched the light die in her eyes. No one thought about that. Why would they?

The comment about her Gryffindor bravery got the response Elijah wanted because it got her attention. “Who said this was about power? What power is left anyway? If there ever was? The people you trusted the most turned their backs on you and one effectively managed to place the blame of a tragic event on your shoulders. You don’t want to prove people wrong? You don’t want to see the looks on people’s faces, the ones that pity Chase and hold nothing but contempt for you, when they realise that you’re not the villain? If you don’t then at least stop wallowing in this abyss of distructive emotions,” hypocrite, his mind sung, “You need to keep your chin up and your head held high because you did nothing wrong. Prove that to yourself first and then to other people. Don’t get beaten down. If they don’t want to hear it then sod ‘em and move on.”

Elijah crossed his arms over his chest. “Short words but they’re not incorrect are they?” He cocked an eyebrow at Jack and a small smile tugged at his lips. He fingered the leather bracelet clinging to his wrist and he watched Jack carefully. “I love the few friends I have and I’d do anything for them...anything. What angers me the most is that she’d abandon you and let me think that it was the other way around. In retrospect it probably was vice versa because her abandonment of you must have prompted you to be wary of Chase when she sought you out again. Human nature though isn’t it really -- the need to protect ourselves? Sometimes the best way to do that is to confide in others...gain allies. I’ll be yours....if you let me. There’s been wrong-doing on both sides but if the motives can be understood then perhaps it can be resolved.”

Elijah didn’t expect Jack to say anything more. He had expected her to blank him out or turn around and keep walking but she asked why...she wanted to know why he wanted to, essentially, be her friend. “Because you need a friend,” Elijah said simply, “No one deserves to be alone. I’m not in this for me.”

Jack could feel her quick anger already beginning to rise; she did not know why people did not expect her to be a naturally quick-to-anger person. She was a redhead, and it was one of the few stereotypes that she actually adhered too. She had to whole Napoleonic complex. Her mother was an alcoholic, her father a workaholic. She had lived most of her life on her own, and the rest around people who liked to push her buttons. Naturally, she would be angry.

The fact that he was saying she was letting them beat her down frustrated her. Sure, it was true, but no one knew that. She still ran the Quidditch team like she was untouchable, she behaved in classes like she was queen of the world, she strode down the aisles and still managed to make first years and acquaintances scatter before they got themselves hurt. Her pranks were still awesome, her new acquaintances- Matt, Adam, Peter- none of them had a clue she was screwed up... Well maybe Matt... But still, all in all, her mask had pulled through.

Somehow Elijah thought otherwise. Angry, or maybe just worried that her disguise had not been as airtight as originally planned, she snapped, "What do you mean 'keep my chin up?' I have, thank you, I don't walk around bursting into tears or sulking. Sure I'm usually alone and I'm usually irritated, but newsflash. That's me."

She knew in this she was right. Sure, inside she had been reduced to a tiny seedling, but she was still a mighty lion on the outside. Though she was broken and battered, she still retained her pride, she still was able to pretend that she was whole, indicating that she had not lost grip entirely. Elijah was close to understanding her... but not quite there.

She sighed. He had said that she needed to prove that she was not the villain. She shook her head, and her anger began to abate. "Some people need a villain. I will always be Chase's villain. It helps her cope. I'm not going to take tat away from her. Call it my final act of friendship...or stupidity, or what have you. But she needs that more than I need to be a hero." She paused. Was this true? Jack had always hated people and yet... she always came to save them. She was hated by them, despite the fact that she was working to help them. She was okay with knowing she was the hero. She did not need to flaunt it. Perhaps it was the one thing she did not need to.

"I'm done proving myself. At a certain point, you put everything out on the table and people make up their own fool opinions. And it's all that they have, and I'm okay to let them have that, because at least I have the truth, and they have their safety. One delusion for everyone else's happiness. It's odds I'm willing to take." She sighed. She winced, realizing she was admitting a lot more than she would have hoped, but found their was no stopping herself now. "I'm being the hero by being the villain. If I pulled that from under Chase's feet... I'd be a rotten person. And even more unhappy."

Only her life would be so contrary, so backwards and idiotic. To be the hero, she had to play the role of the villain. To reveal otherwise would be one of the most villainous acts she could do. And at least this role meant she had nothing holding her back from continuing her mission of sorts with Vito, trying to help him on the road to recovery.

Elijah said that he would do anything for his friends. So should we. And now that she did not have friends, she was doing things for people that hated her. And strangers she met. And a poltergeist who had tried to kill her. Not that she had issues or anything. And his description of why she had ever 'abandoned' Chase... Well it was true. Chase and Andrew had left her, and while on one hand she had wanted to never let them go when they came back... she just could not risk them destroying her again.

He answered her question by saying that she was alone and everybody needed somebody. She closed her eyes, and he added to it by saying it was not for him. Damn him, damn him, damn him. Almost her exact wording to Vito. She was all he had left and that was why she stuck around. It was not for her benefit, it was for his own. What sort of hypocrite would she be to deny Elijah now? She took in a deep breath, and she exhaled it as a heavy sigh. Her eyes opened. "I hope you know I'm a pretty crappy friend. I befriend your enemies and forget birthdays." She grimaced a pained smile.

It wasn’t just redheads that got angry but no other woman could become as irate as a redhead. Blondes came pretty close but pissed off gingers won the award. Jack wasn’t exactly ginger though, not fully anyway. She literally looked as if she had fire attached to her scalp. Elijah didn’t think anyone could achieve that colour by using produce but he hadn’t seen something that matched. He’d seen many women with hair like it, he had a gravitational pull to redheads, but none had quite this consistency of fire. Perhaps it was Jack’s personality reflecting in her hair. It was always hidden beauty. It was curious really.

His words with regards to her staying strong, keeping her chin up, were really useless. Unless there were hidden artists amongst the Hogwarts students then no one would notice. No one would care to notice. You didn’t need a special eye, although it helped because you tended to see it automatically, because if you cared enough then you’d see. It baffled Elijah. Why didn’t Chase see it before? What about Andrew? No. Actually no, scrap that. He was and still is as dense as they come so that wasn’t even worth thinking about but Chase...why didn’t she see?

“There are little things...signs...” Elijah said evasively, “Some people see and some people chose to look and therefore view it too. Little movements of your eyes, lips, cheeks...everything about how you move tells a story. Anyone who really tries can see that you’re unhappy. You can act the same way you always do but your face shows what you’re really thinking and feeling. Your body language does the same but not nearly as expressively. That’s probably what makes art and photography so...,” He trailed off, unsure how to describe it, “I suppose it just fails to capture what the artist truly sees. He can paint it on and try to make it work but he can’t make people see what is right before them...what they miss. They weren’t wrong when they said a picture is worth a thousand words but it is not of praise but instead regret for the picture could never live up to the real thing, not while you have it and can feel it against your skin.”

Elijah wasn’t sure what planet Chase was on. Zog most likely if her delusions were any indication of this. He truly needed to form his own opinion but this was so clever it wasn’t even funny. Vito should have been wearing a grin that would rival the Cheshire cat’s. Not only was he getting away with their murder but he was also letting the blame fall on someone else. Even the victim had forgotten who the real villain was. It was truly mindboggling. This didn’t mean he loved Chase any less but it did make him slightly irritated with her at this point in time. Jack didn’t want to pull the rug out from underneath her but he could without it going on his conscience. He had enough marring that already. Dropping Chase back into reality wouldn’t faze him in the slightest.

“And for that reason...you’re probably the best friend she could ever have,” Elijah said softly, “Which is why it’s such a shame she did what she did,”

It was a strange feeling to be talking so ill of her. But she was in the wrong. She was the victim, yes, but she’d made Jack the victim by forgetting who was responsible for her parent’s deaths. Elijah wasn’t going to tell Jack that he was going to give Chase a reality check. Perhaps he’d confront Vito himself and tell him what a bloody inadvertent genius he was. That sounded like a good idea. Plus, he had yet to really explore Satin’s. He’d heard enough about it from Jen. Rob only knew because Lena and her sister’s went there on occasion and as such Jen knew. Either Rob had been or he was liking the idea of going a little too much.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t usually celebrate my birthday anyway,” Elijah said with a lopsided grin.

Elijah answered, saying that there were little signs that let it be known that she was just faking her way through life. She let out a small groan. "Greeeeaaatt..." That was all she needed, people knowing that she was off her game. Elijah may think power had nothing to do with anything, but she measured her worth in how much power and control she had over her life. And obviously, she was feeling rather cheap and poor at the moment...

He continued on saying that only those who actually cared would actually be able to notice... Hmm... Obviously he had noticed... And Vito could usually tell... That was it. From what she could tell, no one had expected her to be off her game in the least. Maybe more irritable, but she had grown more and more antisocial as she had gotten older, so there was no surprise there. "Oh, well that's good," she said in a dry voice. "'Cause no one will notice then, eh?" She smirked.

He said that it was because she allowed Chase to use her as a scapegoat, she was the best friend Chase had ever had. She opened her mouth and slowly closed it again. She grimaced another pained smile at Elijah, surprised by how much she had needed to hear that sentence. That she was not justifying herself, but she actually was helping Chase...

Jack realized that she had just allowed Elijah to damn himself. Jack had become Chase's Vito of sorts, since she had become the root of all of her suffering it seemed... And now, Elijah had befriended Jack. He had just stepped into her shoes. Chase was going to feel betrayed, and Jack knew she should protect Chase and try to abandon this fool idea to allow Elijah to be her friend, but she had a feeling he would not think it as bad as she knew it was soon to be...

She sighed. It had been awhile since she had considered someone a friend. Adam and Matt and Peter and the various others who had drifted into her life were good people, but she did not trust them the way people trusted friends. She was still sure they would disappoint her, or worse... she would disappoint them. It was a certainty that one or the other would happen. So, needless to say, she was on new ground here. She said, "So, what now?"